Seeking Self-Improvement Instead of External Validation: A Shift Toward Authentic Growth

 In a world fueled by likes, followers, and approval ratings, it is becoming the norm for many to easily slip into the habit of chasing external validation—that false sense of worth that only comes when others applaud us. But this pursuit can be fleeting, exhausting, and often unfulfilling. Conversely, self worth is not such a common attribute in this social media driven era; it can only be achieved and developed through seeking self-improvement, which is guided by internal values and personal growth.

Unknown to many is that seeking external validation can be a serious trap that empowers those we seek validation from (Parents, friends, colleagues, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc) over us. The question I’m sure you’re asking is “. . . How? . . . “, Allow me to!! Ever noticed how people spend so much trying to find the perfect picture for their socials?? Or how people provide fake information, lifestyles, or even act a certain way when people are around or live their lives like they are on a reality show capturing every moment of their lives on their socials? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it is wrong to capture moments in pictures or video, but at what point do we decide this is for memory purposes and not to be plastered all over our socials? What is meant to remain in our phone gallery and what is to be posted?

Some have taken it to a level of going half or fully naked just for likes and follows, at what point do we lose ourselves; our integrity, our privacy and mental stability in this hunt for likes and follows?

Strangely, so many derive confidence and worth in such a manner when actually True growth and lasting confidence come from within a fact unknown to many. Here’s why shifting your mindset away from external approval to self-improvement matters.

Why External Validation Falls Short

Relying on the approval of others puts your happiness in their hands, this means your self-worth is conditional and tied to the whims and changing human beings and lest we forget that humans are always changing their minds. It is very common to find that people that seek external validation to boost their imagined self worth tend to have a rather fragile self worth and are easily broken by negative comments, sometimes body changes and in most cases don’t take perceived negative changes and change in general easily, especially if it doesn’t flatter them.

In the end when validation doesn’t come, these kinds of people may feel unappreciated or inadequate—even if they are making genuine progress. To them appreciation must be in constant supply and being the center of attention feeds their cravings for highs like an addict. The constant seeking for approval eventually results in mental, emotional, and physical burnout, insecurity, and self-doubt.

To all external validation seekers or junkies if I may, always remember that it:

• Is inconsistent and often out of your control

• Encourages comparison rather than personal progress

• Can make you value appearance over substance

• Distracts you from your deeper goals and values

• Limits your authenticity because you are always seeking approval which often means conforming to the expectations of others rather than staying true to yourself. 

The Power of Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is the ongoing process of becoming the best version of yourself—not to impress others. This means you take back the power and control of your growth and the fate of your happiness in your hands; you also put yourself on a path to fulfill your own potential. Self-improvement is rooted in self-awareness, discipline, and purpose.

Self-improvement involves the following:

•  Setting goals that align with your values and not peoples applause.

•. Learning from failure without shame.

•. Measuring progress based on effort, not applause.

•. Celebrating small wins without needing an audience.

When you grow for yourself, you develop resilience, confidence, and clarity. Your motivation becomes intrinsic, not dependent on recognition because you are defined by your own standards, and the opinions of others hold less power over you.

Embracing Self-improvement is no walk in the park because it will require you to look at yourself straight in the mirror make the tough but very important decision of giving minor attention to people’s opinions and applause as a measure of self worth, and venturing on the tough but rewarding journey of Self-improvement.

To make this very critical but important shift of mindset, you will need to adjust your focus and:

1. Reflect Honestly

First, you will need to ask yourself this very important question, “. . . Am I doing this for my personal growth or just to be seen? . . . ”. Doing this will help you check your motive for doing anything (remember to be honest and true to yourself about the motive behind your actions), journaling can help you uncover hidden motivations.

2. Set Internal Benchmarks

It is very important to replace the “Did they notice?”question, with the all important “Did I grow?” question to fuel your desire for Self-improvement while making self-defined progress as a measure of your standard of success.

3. Limit Social Comparison

While this may not be a popular decision to many of you reading this most especially the external validation junkies, it is important that you reduce time on social media platforms that reinforce comparison. Ensure that the environment you create around yourself is meant to uplift you, rather than acting as a distraction.

4. Practice Self-Affirmation

Also important is the practice of daily self-validation like speaking kindly to yourself the way you would to a friend. Remind yourself of how beautiful or handsome you are, say to yourself, “I am smart, I am brilliant”. Make sure to always ask these two questions for clarity "Do they like me?" and "Do I like who I’m becoming?" Don’t wait for the big wins to celebrate, celebrate the small wins as well as these are the milestones of how far you have come.

5. Value Process Over Praise

While Praise feels good and equally important, it is important to have a value system that ranks the process higher in the hierarchy than it does praise. Remember, the real reward is in the learning and the discipline behind your progress, and like I always say to my friends, “. . . trust the process. . .” no matter how long or hard it feels or gets.

6. Embrace Discomfort

This is probably one of the things most people would rather run away from than embrace, however as am sure most of you have come to learn or are yet to learn, growth often happens outside your comfort zone, and you will soon realize as I have, that there is no growth in the safety of applause and approval of others.

7. Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded People

There is this old English saying “Tell me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are” that my mother used to quote especially when it came to my choice of friends that has stuck with me and still resonates with me to this day. Therefore as you walk this path of self-improvement, it is very important to seek people that inspire you to improve, and distance yourself from those whose job is to merely flatter you.   

As I close, let us be reminded that seeking self-improvement over external validation is one of the most empowering mindset shifts you can ever make. This tough but rewarding path leads to sustainable growth across all spheres (spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and financial, etc), deeper confidence, and an identity rooted in the authenticity of the true you.

Remember when you stop performing for applause, you begin living for purpose.